It’s that time of year where all the young humans like myself are heading back to school and moving back in to their college homes. A year ago, I would have expected this to be the only anniversary that I celebrate- my first move in day to college- but instead I have another ummm, exciting(?), event to commemorate: The night that my roommate’s ex-boyfriend shattered our door, window, feelings of safety/security/normalcy, and plans for our college experience. But! This also was the night that wound up making way for some truly spectacular blessings in my life.

The following section was actually something that I wrote shortly after the break in and then subsequently forgot and is, in my humble opinion, the perfect contextualization for what I mean by this…

Happy (almost) fall! It is hands down my favorite season and I am anxiously awaiting sweater weather, the fair, and Cumming painted with the reds and yellows of changing leaves. But while I have been looking forward to this season, I have recently felt as if my life is in the personified version of spring.

For those that do not know, I recently started my first year of college in August and I did not exactly experience the most conventional beginning. Our very first night in our new apartment, my roommates and I experienced a nightmare that could quite easily be considered cinema worthy. In the middle of the night/disgustingly early hours of the morning, one of my roommate’s ex-boyfriend broke into our apartment, shattering our front door and her window, and leading us to be huddled in my closet on the phone with 911 waiting for the police to arrive. A pretty eventful and frightening first night for us four college gals for sure.

After the police left and we were all safe, I stayed with a sorority sister until my parents were able to come to Kennesaw. That next day, I packed my life up for the second time in 72 hours and moved back home. We had just moved in, ready to start this new chapter, and everything was promplty turned upside down.

We were uprooted.

I had been wanting to write a post for weeks now revolving around this idea of being ‘planted’ by God (y’all know I love my metaphors), but could never quite find the words, but that idea has made itself ever so prevalent in these last few weeks and I felt that God illustrated this point so clearly in my life through this crazy and surreal situation.

Okay, so it was definitely not a blessing in the moment, as you can imagine. The whole night still to this day seems more like a movie than an event that I actually experienced, or like a very, very vivid nightmare. Never did I imagine myself meeting with detectives and making trips to police stations between classes during my first week of college, or being unreasonably frightened by loud banging noises and knocking, but here we are.

I am indeed very lucky and blessed to have a wonderful relationship with my family to where I could happily and comfortably move back home and commute, but I still had this nagging of feeling of ‘it shouldn’t be like this.’ It was hard to completely change my entire vision for my life as it currently stood with nothing but a moment’s notice and a trauma’s impact. For my whole life, I imagined my first year of college one way, and not even 24 hours after moving in, that would no longer be the case.

I was abundantly thankful to be spending more time with my family whom I adore and with whom I could feel safe and secure, but all the while I was definitely searching for God’s answer to my “why?”- Why he allowed for us to experience such a terrifying event, why us in particular, and why He uprooted me so soon after being seemingly planted into my new environment.

While I know that we can never be truly sure of why God allows for certain things to happen or what exactly His plans for us fully entail, I have been able to look back and see the good that He has brought out of this sketchy situation.

Some of the positives seem to be very mundane- whether it be extended time with a dear friend that I dearly love and now do not get to see as often, a job that I absolutely adore, or simply more family time- but these “mundane” aspects have led to so much joy and possibility, as well as endless beautiful memories that I otherwise would not have made.

Being a commuter means lots of alone time in my car to listen to music or podcasts, or even to have two hours a day where I can truly be alone with my thoughts (my enneagram 5/introverted self thrives in this setup). When I first started really writing on my own, I would randomly get ideas for pieces and would write them down, but I soon started getting more and more ideas when driving around town. Obviously, I cannot type while driving, so I started making voice memos of what I felt that God was trying to say in and through me. I would just talk out loud (probably looking like a loon to anyone driving past) and say what was on my heart. These voice memos (that I affectionately and very creatively came to label as ‘Car Thoughts’) grew in depth, length, and quality over time. In going back through them, I have found that those memos made during my commutes to and from KSU  were exceptionally meaningful and full of personal breakthroughs in regards to what it seems that God was trying to communicate to me. The length of time that I could have to just talk to God and work through my thoughts, and the solitude that I was afforded in my car, created the perfect environment for fruitful and meaningful quiet time.

I have also realized in playing them back that the recordings are perfect reflections of what it’s like inside my head: fast, sporadic, random, and long winded. I have often wondered what I would one day do with them, but for now they are great to pull from when writing and maybe one day they will find new life in another form… but for now, they live within my voice memos!

Another little nugget of wonderfulness that I have found in being a commuter is the expanded possibility for sleepovers with sisters and friends! The morning after the break in, my phone was bombarded with messages from Phi Mu (my sorority) sisters all extending their love, support, and places to sleep, should I ever need one in Kennesaw. In the last year, I have been able to make so many sweet memories by taking them up on these offers and staying the night in Kennesaw. I know that it sounds so simple and silly, but it actually is a lovely little blessing (and showed me right off the bat what sisterhood was).

This all being said, one of the biggest blessings that the break in brought me was a new mindset. I was shocked into a new reality and instantly had to adapt and fully trust that God has a plan for this crazy life of mine. This wasn’t the first time that I have had to surrender in this way, but this time around was different. I was physically threatened, afraid, moved, and pushed so far out of my comfort zone that I would have needed binoculars to see it once more. College in and of itself is a reality check and overwhelming experience, but then you add a little late night 911 call and closet-hiding and you have a real cocktail for craziness, discomfort, and unexpected growth.

I am a planner, as I mentioned in my previous post , and like to have control over my life, but this event took away any illusion of a sense of control that I thought I had. Because I lost control, I had to have complete trust in God and surrender to Him, and He truly delivered beyond my wildest expectations.

This whole experience taught me just how little I know, and that we are where we are for a reason. I was not meant to live in Kennesaw my freshman year, and while I thought that the break in derailed my future, it really set me up for a new location in which I would grow and flourish. Where we find ourselves is not an accident, but is an intentional placement and plating by our Heavenly Father. I have since found so many benefits in the commuter lifestyle that I actually decided to finish out my time at KSU with the same housing arrangement (and I’ve learned all the secrets- keep snacks in your car and ask for gift cards for allll the coffee when it comes to holidays!).

God has also allowed for me to further see the strength that I can have because of His presence in me and my allowing Him to work through me. A night like the one that we endured is surreal, and quite unbelievably scary, but in moving forward from that night I have seen the Lord show up in many ways just in how He has helped me move forward and learn more about myself through that process. Trauma and darkness have their ways of revealing who we truly are, oftentimes for the better, and shows us just how much we need the strength of a Savior to carry on and grow from the experience, not crumble under its influence and pressure.

So yes, this experience scared the living daylights out of me and would make one amazing screenplay (maybe I will write that story one day), but it also opened me up to the possibility of new experiences that came from a life unlike one that I intended for myself- and in a super convoluted way, I can find myself thankful for all the craziest parts of life, includinga break in.