Tag: faith

Adventures (and Lessons) in Adult Acne

Published on by KendallLeave a comment

Never did I think I would write a post about my recent acne/skincare journey, but leave it to the Lord to use it to teach me something, so here goes- Introducing: my adventure with adult acne and what it reminded me about life itself…

A couple months ago, my skin basically lost its mind and broke out pretty badly. I never had the clearest skin ever, but I felt confident and happy enough with it. I have always enjoyed both going bare-faced and wearing makeup, and I usually felt confident enough to do either whenever I felt like it. I always have, however, had hormonal acne that always would flare up every month (in hindsight, it was never *that* bad, but it was worse than its regular state and would feel bad at the time).

Around early/mid-February, my skin flared up, and I assumed it would calm back down again as usual. Instead, my skin continued to break out and got worse and worse… by the end of March, it was the worst it had ever been.

I tried various remedies at home, product after product being cycled through, and nothing seemed to help. At one point, I feared that I, myself, was exacerbating the problem.

I know acne is not really a big deal in the big scheme of things, but it really did have a significant impact on how I saw myself and felt in my own skin, as well as my desire to get out and engage with others. I felt super insecure, trying to cover it with makeup as best as I could, and I also felt very uncomfortable because my face quite literally hurt and was in pain from it all. I’m in my early 20s, so you can imagine my frustration at the emergence of this new acne, as I thought surely all of that was behind me in my teens…

After weeks of frustration trying to remedy it myself, I went to an esthetician who essentially told me it was breaking out because of my diet (without asking me anything about it) and that “if I cut out dairy and gluten it would help it clear up.” I suppose that is fine advice in general, but what she didn’t know is that a) I already do try to find little ways to cut back on both in general and b) I had not made any significant changes to my lifestyle or diet that would have caused this insane breakout out of the blue. I wasn’t eating anything new, I wasn’t taking any new medication, I had been working out MORE, not less, and my skin had never been reactive to my stress (or else senior year of college would have been ROUGH for my poor skin), so it seemed that there was no logical explanation for why my face was now covered with painful breakouts.

Regardless of the fact that I knew all of these things to be true, though, I still left feeling like it was in fact all my fault. Besides, I’m no skincare expert, so I thought maybe it really was because of something I unknowingly did wrong.

Trusting in her professional opinion, I let the esthetician do a particular treatment to my skin. Ultimately, said treatment did not do anything to improve it, so I then decided it was time to seek out a different kind of professional to help me and went to a dermatologist.

Right off the bat, it was a different experience. There was no judgement on me for the situation, but instead, he calmly assured me to “not worry, because we will figure it out and get it cleared up.” He took time to really understand me and my medical history to see why it could be breaking out. Talk about a very different tone! One experience had me feeling guilty and accepting blame for something that was not truly my fault, and another had me hopeful that we could work together and find a solution. One approach was judgement and condemnation, and one was hope. That dermatologist was truly my lifesaver during the peak of this *skin crisis.*

Our first course of action did not work, so I scheduled a follow up with him. Again, he took the time to actually sit and hear me out, prompting for more information and assuring me that we would figure out this frustrating situation. He then casually asked if I had ever tried birth control for acne in the past, to which I shared that I had taken it years ago for a short time after having a couple ruptured ovarian cysts, but I had never taken it for acne (and did not want to).

That one comment prompted a whole other thought process and discussion from him. He listed various signs and symptoms that I had been experiencing recently, ones that I had totally just written off, and he suggested getting bloodwork done to check for certain factors- something I would not have even considered.

I went to my doctor and got the bloodwork done, telling her what the dermatologist said, and then I waited for the results. The whole time I waited, I prepped myself for them to come back and say everything looked normal and nothing was off. After all, when you go to the doctor, you usually don’t want them to tell you something is wrong with you, right? But this time, I knew that I would feel worse, not better, if that in fact was true.

It wasn’t that I hoped something would be wrong; All I wanted was to know that there was in fact a REASON for what I was experiencing. I could cross that bridge of “what’s next” later, but in that moment I just needed to know that there was a reason for my situation.

What I didn’t want to hear was that my change of circumstances had come about with no good reason, and that it was all for random.

When the nurse called me and told me that there were in fact levels that were abnormal, the same ones my dermatologist told me to check, I breathed a sign of RELIEF, because I finally had answers as to why this all had been happening. And I even had a course forward to correct some things that were off in my blood. It wasn’t anything crazy, serious, or majorly significant…

But there it was. There was a reason behind my circumstances. It felt like there was a purpose to the pain- because it led me to a revelation of something deeper going on in my body instead of just having a weird breakout.

And guess what else? It wasn’t my fault at all!

Isn’t that what we all want? I’m not talking about acne anymore, but just in life. Whenever we walk through challenging, painful, or uncertain circumstances, do we not desperately hope that there is some kind of bigger reason or purpose for them all? I know I do!

We want to know that it was not random, that it was not all for nothing.

Sometimes, we do get to see that immediate, tangible reason (in this case, my bloodwork), and we are given a clear path to get through address it (medications), but sometimes it is not as clear. But just because we don’t see the reason, it does not mean that there was not one. Sometimes it’s just not as easy to see.

So why don’t we see it sometimes? So many reasons, at least in my experience. Maybe we’re looking in the wrong place; Maybe we aren’t looking from the right perspective; Maybe we are so focused on what we think the reason should be that we totally miss it when we see it; Or maybe, it is just something that we aren’t meant to understand or know on this side of Heaven.

In the case of my skin and recent health, I so easily could have missed the reason. I could have kept on trying to treat it myself, in my own strength and with my very limited knowledge, never getting to the root cause and learning that something was off. I could have stopped at that esthetician, accepting blame that wasn’t mine to take on, and again, never even knowing the unseen forces at play. I could have placed my hope in the wrong places: my own abilities and the wrong authority, and I would have totally missed the answer I was desperate for.

Had I not seen that specific dermatologist and been guided to ask my doctor for the specific tests, I would have never thought to pursue it, nor would I have been emboldened to do so, in all honesty. In all reality, he might not have even thought to suggest it to ME had I not offhandedly mentioned a very small, specific piece of my medical history. All the pieces had to come together for me to learn the reason: pursuing the right counsel and authority, the right perspective, the right direction, and the right next steps. Everything fell into place and guided me to a reason, and in this case, a solution.

It is so comforting to learn the reason for things, but there is also an alternate, frustrating reality in many cases: try as we might, and as much as we wish for it, we may never receive the specific answers/reasons for the things that we endure in this life. But again, it doesn’t mean that there isn’t one. I could have gotten a clean bill of health with my blood, but that wouldn’t have negated the fact that something caused it. There was a reason for the breakouts, even if I hadn’t received an answer as to what it was. Similarly, there is a “why” and a purpose to all the pain we endure in this life, and that is more important than us trying to comprehend every single reason behind everything we experience.

What is important is how everything, no matter how awful or grand, can serve a purpose in God’s glorious plan for your life. Nothing is for not so long as He is in the picture. Whether we get our tangible answer or not, there is always the same simple purpose behind our struggles in this life.

Ultimately, in all situations, the ever-present answer of “why” is simply this: that we endure it and turn it for His glory.

Even when it feels so, nothing is simply a random, pointless experience, because everything can and should be used to point to His glory. Even when things don’t feel “good,” we can rest in the simple fact and assurance that He is good and is turning all things for His good. He does not cast pain and hardship onto His children, but He does take all of that pain (that oftentimes is purely a result of our own free will and sinful nature), and He gives it a purpose.

Our flesh is programmed to favor what is tangible. We seek comfort in our answers, our reasons, our validations that what we are experiencing has a justification behind it. But whether we find that explanation or not, that comfort is fleeting. The things of this world will fade, along with every last one of our justifications and explanations, but at the end of the day, at the end of our life, there He will still be- steadfast, constant, and all powerful.

We were not created to solve our problems in our own strength. We were not created to seek our ultimate validation and self-worth from false, earthly authority. We were not created to shoulder a burden of guilt and self-loathing upon our shoulders. We were not created to have every answer. We were intended to seek first His kingdom, to pursue Him with all our mind, soul, and strength. We are instructed to lay down our struggles at His feet, knowing that He will give us the strength to endure, even if He never gives us a single answer as to why. We were created to do all things for the glory of our God and trust Him to bring beauty from our ashes, purpose from our pain.

Because of the sacrifice of Jesus, though we so desperately strive and hope to have closure, to know the “why” behind our deepest sufferings, we can still have complete hope and peace if those answers never come. Even if our questions remain unanswered on this side of Heaven, we can know with complete conviction that there can be a purpose to our pain. That purpose is more important than any earthly explanation, and that is simply to praise and glorify the very One who created our desperate, questioning spirits.

So in those moments of desperation and hopelessness, we trust that no matter the valleys we walk through, we are never aimlessly wandering in pointless isolation. We are held, guided, loved, and seen in our darkness, and every breath we breathe has beautiful purpose, no matter how labored it may feel. A new breath is coming, because with Him, there is hope with every.last.step.

“When I ‘lived abroad…'”

Published on by KendallLeave a comment

As much as I feel like I have shared about my life on here, I strangely enough never did share about one of the very best experiences of it… the time I studied abroad the summer after my freshman year of college.

I know what you’re thinking, “Great, another former college student talking about how a short stint abroad ‘changed their life.'” There is that stereotype of the young adult/college student that takes a trip abroad for a few weeks or months and claims that it changed their life and everything about them. I’ve seen the memes, I’ve watched the TikToks, and I know all about that stereotype. As someone who did take such a trip, I totally love memes and see their point, because yeahhh sometimes it’s a little obnoxious; There are some downright hysterical ones out there too, for what it’s worth! 😉 I mean, how much can your life really ‘change’ in such a short period of time?

But here’s the thing… those claims, the ones of having one’s life changed, I do kind of see their merit. Maybe it looks small to the rest of the world, and maybe, yes, there is absolutely some exaggeration there in MANY accounts, but to say that they’re alllll just over-inflating the actual impact of the experience? Well, perhaps that just isn’t fully true. Maybe there is a little shred of truth in there. Maybe something doesn’t have to be earth-shattering to be life-altering.

Now, don’t worry, I am not here to say that I “lived abroad” after only four weeks or play into the stereotype, but instead, I just wanted to share a change of perspective that I experienced as a result of such an experience.

Think about that best friend that you met back in school. Think about how within such a short time of knowing them, you felt like you had known each other forever and could no longer imagine life without them. You didn’t need a year to develop a life-changing friendship, just a short time left an eternal impact on your life. Experiences are like that too.

July 2019, I spent four weeks in Northern Ireland studying Irish Literature and Culture at Queen’s University Belfast. I had the opportunity to do so through the US-UK Fulbright Commission, and it was one of the single most incredible experiences of my entire life.

For those four weeks, my amazing roommates (my fellow Fulbright Summer Institute Participants) and I attended enriching classes and lectures, visited classic Northern Irish sites and landmarks, explored whenever and whatever we could, and even spent a whole weekend at a restored 17th century farmhouse in the Irish countryside. (Queue shameless photo dump in 3….2…1)

I’ll never be over how beautiful it was
Queen’s University Belfast, I love you so
Beautiful, best roomies
My sweet roommates and fellow Fulbright Summer Institute Participants
The hike was rough for those of us not used to the kind of rigor it presented *cough cough* myself and my west coast counterparts, but good grief was the view worth it!

Does that not look and sound like the best time?! If you’re not thinking a big “heck yes,” then I promise you you are wrong! It was a magical time.

These above pictures truly do not do the whole experience justice in all of its wonderful glory, but they also don’t chronicle the other side of things; they don’t tell of some of the harder times and struggles I encountered over in Belfast for those four weeks.

I can tend to be a generally anxious person by nature. It’s always worse when circumstances appear to validate those fears. For those that know me or have read along here for a bit, you know that I experienced a bit of an *exciting* event my first night of college that resulted in my moving back home 24 hours later (for those that don’t know what I’m talking about, you can hear the whoooole exciting saga here!).

What this meant was that I had never truly successfully lived away from home without some sort of scary, traumatic happening. My first time doing so would be that following summer, 19 years old, on the other side of the world, in Belfast. The program was not through my university, but through Fulbright, so I was traveling to Northern Ireland truly alone, and I would be meeting only strangers when I arrived.

Truth be told, part of why I applied to study in Northern Ireland there was that it was a mystery to me. What I did know absolutely intrigued me, but it was also the country I knew the least about from the program’s choices. I was interested in the culture, history, and nature of the people, but I did not know what that would look like in all reality.

When my taxi pulled away from the airport and into the heart of Belfast, where my apartment was located, my stomach dropped. It was not the rolling green hills that I had anticipated, but instead a heavily industrial city. Granted, I knew Belfast itself was an industrial city, but I didn’t fully realize that I would be living in the heart of that city during my time there instead of the more natural areas. Fun fact about me… I’m not a city girl. I grew up in a friendly suburban area, an hour outside of Atlanta, and to this day, I still dread having to drive into the city because it can make me anxious (but also, Atlanta drivers are their own kind of stressful, so there’s that…). The first bit of Belfast that I encountered sure looked a whole lot like parts of Atlanta, and that was a little nerve-wracking.

I then learned the true nature of Northern Ireland’s political landscape. I know I will not do the history justice, and I do not want to minimize or mis-explain it at all, so I HIGHLY recommend looking into it and The Troubles and their lasting impact, including paramilitary groups.

Did you look it up? Well if you did, then you know that the history is devastatingly intense, and the present still holds remnant of the Troubles’ effects, including the paramilitary groups that used to or still technically do exist in the area. I heard paramilitary, and my brain immediately said, “terrorists.fear.violence.death.” Queue the anxiety. I was already consumed by the newness of it all, but now I had very real dangers that my mind could blow out of proportion. In all actuality, I was in no danger, and the groups posed no active threat or danger to me, but they were an unfamiliar concept, and boy is it easy to fear what you don’t fully understand!

The first week I was in Belfast, I had to keep my brain from spiraling out of control. While the days were busy and packed full of amazing experiences that kept my mind full of curiosity and joy, the nights were hard. It was at night, alone, and left to my own thoughts that I felt the fear and unease begin to take over (There also was a time difference that prevented me from easily contacting my loved ones back home whenever I wanted, so the homesickness was real!). I would practically cry myself to sleep, on the verge of, if not in the middle of, a full blown panic attack every night. I was full of fear…Fear of the unknown, of what I knew but didn’t quite understand, and what I knew and understood too much about for my own good.

Each day and night, I earnestly sought the comfort of my Creator, crying out for strength and reassurance that all would be okay. One night, I began writing down my thoughts. The sparknotes version of them looked like this: “God, give me the courage to step out of my comfort zone. Give me the courage to experience this country for all it has to offer without fear tainting it. Give me the courage to believe it all can be okay, that it all will be.” See, in the moments of fear, I was so caught up in what all could go wrong and how I could ‘fix’ it that I didn’t believe that it could really all just end up okay, let alone have confidence that it would. But that’s what I decided to hold onto and speak over my days, and those harder nights:

God, give me the courage to believe that it all will be okay.

When I felt fearful, I thought it; When I started to catastrophize, I thought it; When I felt overwhelmed, I thought it. I held onto that prayer and slowly began to really feel it. Then something really cool happened- I encountered an old favorite quote that I had forgotten about.

“Courage, dear heart.”

C.S. Lewis

Not only was that quote alone exactly what I needed to hear, but I soon realized that there were some cool coincidences tied to it. Stay with me here…

The quote itself is from the third book of C.S. Lewis’s Chronicles of Narnia Series, “The Dawn Treader.” Lewis, a prolific Christian writer, was actually born in Belfast, so his name and image were all around me.

The location of Lewis’s birth in and of itself was neat to realize, but here is where the quote really came to life for me… Even though I had known and loved it for a while, truth be told, I did not very well know the actual context (I never finished reading the series, though it is in fact on the list, and I loved all that I have read!). I decided to research the context of the quote within the story, and here is what I learned: The quote was spoken by a bodiless voice to the young female character, Lucy, in a moment of great fear, danger, and peril. Lucy knew as soon as she heard it that it belonged to Aslan, the great Lion. Aslan, for those unfamiliar with Narnia, is an allegorical representation of Jesus. So plainly broken down and adjusted for its symbolism, this phrase was uttered to Lucy by Jesus when she was in a time of fear and danger. How easy it was for me then to swap out myself for Lucy, instead feeling as if it were God speaking directly to me, his daughter, in my time of fear and anxiety: “Courage, dear heart.”

So that prayer continued to give me strength, now even more so as I envisioned my God saying to back to me. Day by day, it got easier to believe it, to let go of the fear and anxiety and just embrace the excitement and mystery for all it was worth. Soon, I found myself truly settled in and thriving in this little season I was blessed to be in. I was living confidently, courageously, and with that brought much joy and many blessings.

I began to walk confidently through the city, as now it had a familiarity to it. My roommates and I went out downtown in the evenings to the pubs for some amazing live music (and yes, we tried the infamous Guinness, and it was far better than here in the states, but still not my total cup of tea…;)). On weekends, the five of us hiked up various mountains, taking in views of the city we were quickly falling in love with, daring to get a little lost along the way (literally). We even decided to take a weekend trip to Dublin to stay at a restored 17th century farmhouse in the middle of the Irish countryside. We were truly making the best of our time there and embracing our most adventurous sides.

All in all, the trip was fantastic and magical and gave me more core memories than I know what to do with, and it also gave me a very real chance to put my faith and trust into practice. All along, I was growing and transforming into a newer, better version of myself.

When I returned home four weeks later, I didn’t look any different, I didn’t really act all that different, but I had a different mindset that did not exist on the plane ride over, a certain confidence and peace had taken root.

The transition was most evident to me in my layover. One of the many perks of traveling through the Fulbright Commission was that they booked and covered our transportation. Both ways, they booked me flights that had layovers in London for about 5-6 hours each. When I had first landed in London from Atlanta, I was TERRIFIED. I was so thrown off by everything; I was confused by the airport and navigating customs, I was too intimidated to try out their currency to grab a bite to eat, and my phone had zero service in the moment, so I could not even initially contact my loved ones. I was a ball of complete and total anxiety. I was so afraid of missing my flight to Belfast that I found a spot by the announcement board, claimed my small space, and watched Netflix the whole time, not daring to move. I was so unsure of myself and anxious about the situation that I made myself as small and ‘safe’ as possible, not taking a single step out of my comfort zone.

The way back was a different story. Same airport, same layover time, different mindset. After flying into London from Belfast, I was hungry and ready to find some sustenance. Instead of sitting fearfully and anxiously as I once had, I explored the airport and found a bite to eat, confidently strolling through and stepping out of the routine that would have been most comfortable. Ironically, I found myself right back in the same spot as last time, in front of the same board, but this time, I spread out my lunch (respectfully, of course), made myself comfortable, and enjoyed my time in the airport.

Is this a groundbreaking story? No, of course not. But, it was enough of a boost for me to know that something had in fact changed. I had found a new, confident, adventurous part of myself. I trusted myself to step out of what was comfortable, and I trusted that God had me in His hands the whole way; I trusted that no matter what uncomfortable or anxiety-inducing experience I found myself in, it would all be okay.

And that brings me right back to my initial point… Yes, it is SO cliché to claim that that trip changed my life, but I went from someone who had never lived alone at all to someone who could navigate international airports and travel across the world all by herself. I had done something huge in my life.

Here is what that showed me: Every experience can leave a lasting impact and help mold you into the person you are meant to be, whether big or small. So no, I am not an expert on Northern Ireland, and I did only have four weeks there, but I know for a fact that the Kendall who left Atlanta that June 22 is a different version from the one who returned just four weeks later.

So maybe it does seem presumptive or wildly dramatic to say a short stint abroad, or a small experience in life can really change who you are. But maybe that’s the whole point… That these experiences, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant they are to ourselves or to those who are only onlookers, they hold the potential to be completely transformative. They all matter in the grand scheme of who we are. They all play a part in our personal growth and transformation. Don’t minimize an experience simply because the world says it’s too small to matter. Every little moment is a part of your story, and any little thing can be a catalyst for growth.

A few weeks really can change one’s whole life. A few days can, too. As can a few brief moments. The time for which you endure something or the sheer extent of it does not necessarily determine its impact on you or your life.

Every moment holds within it the potential to be used by God to craft you into the person He created you to be. Never minimize that.

He can use the smallest moments, the most random experiences, and the people you never even saw coming, or interacted with for that long even, to grow and transform you. Don’t get so caught up in the magnitude of something that you overlook the impact of it.

The little things? The little moments? They aren’t little.”

Jon Kabat-Zinn

Exactly. I couldn’t have said it any better myself.

Living, Loving, and Making God Laugh

Published on by KendallLeave a comment

One summer day in between eighth grade and freshman year of high school, I was enjoying a pool day with one of my longest and dearest friends, Maddie. Maddie and I danced together for several years, and at that point, attended church together. As we were swimming and soaking up all the summer sun’s rays, we started to discuss every young girl’s favorite topic: boys. At this point in our lives, neither of us had had a boyfriend, nor had we kissed one or even been on a date.

We were both sharing our expectations and hopes for our love lives that were soon to come. We both had very clear ideas of what that would look like.

And guess what?! It went exactly as planned!

Yeah, that’s definitely not true… But hey, we were 14 and thought we knew how it would all go down. Little did we know how wrong we were.

Mads told me that she thought she might wait to date until she was in college and save her first kiss for her wedding day. I had opposite plans. I confidently said that I hoped I would have a boyfriend, and a first kiss, in high school. Granted, we still both had already made up our minds to wait for marriage for anything further, and we did maintain those values until present day, but that’s the only thing that day that we actually predicted correctly!

Update on how our love lives have ACTUALLY played out to today:

Mads was happily MARRIED to the love of her life almost two yeas ago at 20 years old (they recently finally got to go on their European honeymoon, a year later, as I write this!), she did in fact date in high school, and she had her first kiss before her wedding day. (Sorry Mads for spilling on your love life.. love you!) It has been the sweetest thing and such a joy watching my longtime dear friend find love and so much joy in being a wife. Me? I’m 22, I have graduated COLLEGE, and I still have not had any relationship at all, nor have I had any sort of first kiss. I also went on my very first “real date” just last year.

Needless to say, we got some things wrong with our predictions!

Have you ever heard the saying, “If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans.” Well, I think it’s safe to say that we might have given God a good chuckle that summer day!

In their hearts humans plan their course,
but the Lord establishes their steps.

Proverbs 16:9

To address an inevitable question I get when I share of my extended “season of singleness,” yes it was both by choice and not. Some years I was intentionally not dating, but other years I was open to it, but it just never happened. So, for those reading this who are younger than me and feel that they *have to* date in high (or nowadays even middle) school to be fulfilled, that is so not true! (but that’s also a whole soapbox for another time…)

As much as I do absolutely desire the companionship of a significant other, and believe me, I 100% hope to be married one day, I also find myself so thankful for the years of singleness that He has blessed me with. Granted, I don’t always feel this way in the moment (Christmastime is the worst with all of the cute couple-y things), and I know that that is perfectly okay to wrestle with it from time to time, but at a higher level, I get it and I see the blessing of it.

There have been various seasons of life, as we all experience, that left me stressed, upset, or struggling in some form or another. In these seasons, I have no doubt that had I had a significant other, I would have wanted to go right to him for comfort, that I would have sought peace and assurance in the arms of my fella. In the absence of this hypothetical man, though, I instead found myself running to someone far greater, I ran into the arms of my creator. I learned how to be dependent upon God and seek comfort and assurance in His presence and His word. It set a routine and precedence in my life that I can now maintain one day in a relationship as we both healthily run to God first, and run to Him together, in all things.

I also needed that time, this time, alone relationally to become who I needed to become, and it needed to happen independently from a significant other. For others, though, the opposite can be true, where God uses a relationship to foster growth and development, and I am sure that day, too, will come for me, but not thus far. It’s so cool how He really does have such unique plans for each of us down to the tiniest of details.

Many are the plans in a person’s heart,
but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.

Proverbs 19:21

I have always found that there are specific ways through which I come to hear and understand God best, one of those being through music. Several years ago, I was listening to a song that I loved and had heard before many times, but this time, one line stuck out to me. The song is “Different” by Micah Tyler, and the line is the following:

“I don’t need to recognize the man in the mirror, and I don’t wanna trade Your plan for something familiar.”

That line is full of such trust and surrender when you think through what it is truly saying. It is asking God for a transformation so potentially radical that one doesn’t even recognize themselves. It is giving up complete control over who we become and what happens, and it is surrendering a carefully constructed plan and image for whatever He has planned. What a shame would it be if we were to miss out on His perfect plan simply because we thought ours was better?

In order to see His plan and become what He wants us to be, we have to be willing and able to accept that things might not go the way that we hope or plan for, and we have to be willing to abandon all expectation in favor of His will and plans. We can’t cling to what’s comfortable and recognizable, but instead we must openly welcome complete transformation. Because in the simplest of terms, knowing Him, truly having a relationship with your Creator, it naturally brings about transformation of your mind, spirit, and soul.

And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.

Ezekiel 36:26

I didn’t plan to be single at 22, with no relationship history to speak of, and as I shared above, this is not exactly what young-Kendall hoped for, but I learned, and every day am learning, the importance of accepting that things might (and probably will) look a bit different from what I had hoped- whether it’s in the littlest of details or the massive day-to-day aspects.

But this abandoning of expectations makes way for truly radical transformation. At the end of the day, that’s what I want. Yes, I want a husband, and yes, I one day want a family. Ultimately though, I want to be who God wants me to be, who He created me to be. All these other desires of my heart might grant earthly happiness and fulfillment, but it is only through walking in His plan for me and His will that I will find true fulfillment and joy.

In order to reach that though, I have to be willing to change everything, cast off anything that He wants gone from my life, and I have to be truly willing to look in the mirror one day, and see a stranger where my face once smiled back. I don’t need to recognize the woman in the mirror if this new face is who He created me to one day be.

That’s terrifying. And that’s okay. Surrender isn’t easy, and it’s not a one time thing. Yes, surrendering our lives to Jesus in the form of being saved is absolutely an instantaneous thing, but the daily walk or surrender, that is a minute by minute, day by day decision and process. It’s hard, but it’s worth it.

So all this to say, sometimes, we make ourselves laugh, at our past, at our former hopes and dreams, at who we once were, and oftentimes, we make God laugh with these plans and expectations that we think are set in stone. At the end of the day, though, while it’s scary to leave behind who you once were, it’s always worth it to look forward with complete surrender to who He is creating you to be, to be someone your past self wouldn’t recognize, but your future self will thank you for becoming.

Pandemics are for Prodigals

Published on by KendallLeave a comment

Oh how funny God’s timing is… I began writing this back in January, but I never quite got around to finishing or posting it. When I set out writing it earlier this year, the following was the first paragraph:

This post feels a bit different from the others that I have posted. Usually, I try and find some sort of devotional-like style to work within that shares a message or lesson that I have learned or have been learning. That is not as much the case in this one. See, I have some things that I need to get off my chest, and at the same time have a testimony that I know I need to share. So this is not so much a lesson, but honestly, this is just plainly and simply- my story. It’s my tale of the faithfulness of God and His ability and willingness to turn everything around if we are just willing to take that next step in humble obedience… Maybe it’s not even for anyone to hear, maybe I simply just needed to write it. I don’t know the answer, but I am just thankful that He does.

Ultimately, this post is still quite simply, a story of my last year, but it’s also more than that. As I write this now, I do see a clear strand of messages woven through the experiences and opportunities. I see instances where He took my smallest, most seemingly mundane answers of ‘yes,’ alongside the ones that felt like they were fundamentally shifting the very ground I was walking on, and He showed me the sheer power and redemption that exists in the presence of obedience. Just when I thought I was simply telling a story, He still wanted to subvert my expectations and teach me a lesson in return. Though, I’ll get to that shortly.

First, I have to tell you the story…

My family raised my brother and I as Christians, and we always attended nondenominational churches. When I was in fifth grade, a late night phone call between myself, my mom, and my Uncle Craig led to my salvation and acceptance of Jesus Christ as my personal Lord and Savior. In sixth grade, I was baptized, making public my commitment to God and a public declaration of my faith itself. I attended church camp many summers, whether affiliated with my church at the time or not, and was active in youth groups at certain periods of my life. All in all, I was raised a Christian and made the conscious decision to be a born again believer.

That all makes it sound so simple though, so easy, so straightforward, so consistent. The truth is far different than the carefully-crafted synopsis. But isn’t that always the case with life?

I am not secretive about my personal story of losing a best friend of mine to cancer my freshman year of high school, and part of my openness about it is that that was a season in which I found myself experiencing great intimacy with my Creator. My faith became so incredibly strong after losing her, and a good bit of that was because I knew that that would be the one thing that would help get me through such heartbreak. I felt so on fire for the Lord, sharing personal testimonies and devotional-style writings of messages I was learning through my own walk. That fire would start to dim though, as I let other aspects of life take priority and precedence over my own faith.

At a certain point in life, your faith has to become your own, not one that is curated by your parents or family. When it was on my own shoulders to pursue a relationship with Christ, I will confess, I majorly dropped the ball. I did not go to church regularly, I did not read my Bible, and I was very much a lukewarm Christian. I would listen to worship music at times, and still prayed, wrote about Him and what He would teach me and such, but I did not prioritize His presence in my life or carve out any amount of time or focus. I was lacking community in an earthly sense, and intimacy in a spiritual one. For years, I would seek out and yearn for genuine community, but I always fell short or struggled to find the right fit. I would pray for God to bring me home, but I honestly didn’t know just what that would look like.

I love the story of the prodigal son. I love how he was welcomed in by his father with open arms, regardless of how he’d strayed. I also love how the father ran to meet him, not even making the son run the whole way alone. Try as I might, I just simply cannot even begin to fathom the fact that the creator of the universe feels that way about us. I know it’s the truth, but it’s another thing to fully wrap my mind around and truly comprehend that unbelievable level of love. I spent years blowing Him off, placing temporary earthly desires above a relationship with Him, yet He still not only welcomed me in, but He was all the while loving and seeking me out. How mind-blowing is it that the Almighty God knows us, loves us, and desires and seeks out such intimacy with us.

Well, 2020 was my prodigal son moment, it was my return home. In many ways, 2020 was a dumpster fire of a year. So much of what we considered normal was stripped away, and we were left reeling, trying to make sense of and the best of these newfound ‘unprecedented times.’ One thing it taught me though, is that sometimes you need to have everything stripped away to appreciate what you have, and sometimes you need silence to hear the voice of the divine.

One evening in May, I felt this overwhelming conviction that I needed to go to church that coming Sunday. Going to church certainly isn’t an odd thing in and of itself, but at this point, it had been years since I had genuinely attended a church service on a Sunday morning just of my own accord. There also was a special caveat, we were still in the midst of a lockdown brought about by the Coronavirus pandemic. Despite these reasons, and several others, that my brain used to try and deflect the thought, I knew with complete certainty that the excuses were simply just that, excuses.

So I stopped fighting it. I searched up churches that were open in person, because I not only felt that I needed to attend church, but I felt very specifically that I needed to go in-person, and alone. Again, this complicated matters. Very few churches were even open in person. When I searched online though, I saw that Highlands Church, one I had attended way back in the day, was open in person. I knew that that was my Sunday-morning destination.

I had now decided to pull the trigger and go that Sunday to Highlands, but then there was that second stipulation: I needed to go alone. That part piqued my bit of social anxiety and led to many personal pep talks before that fateful Sunday would roll around.

Even in my lukewarm season, though, I knew better than to challenge a directive from God. I bit the bullet, woke up early, and went to church, alone, on a normal Sunday for the first time in a long, long while.

The details of that one service are not necessarily important, but what is is the reality of what had occurred. Like the lost sheep in Luke chapter 15, I had a shepherd who refused to give up searching for me. God did not give up on his wandering sheep, but instead He left the 99, sought out the lost, and rejoiced when He found the wanderer, when He found me.

4 “What man of you, having a hundred sheep, if he has lost one of them, does not leave the ninety-nine in the open country, and go after the one that is lost, until he finds it? 5 And when he has found it, he lays it on his shoulders, rejoicing. 6 And when he comes home, he calls together his friends and his neighbors, saying to them, ‘Rejoice with me, for I have found my sheep that was lost.’ 7 Just so, I tell you, there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who need no repentance.

Luke 15: 4-7

What I think is just so cool is how God orchestrates the story so perfectly that looking back, we can see a clear path of divinity and divine providence over moments that we did not see at the time.

I had one of those moments this past spring. See, not only did that one church service serve as a ‘found moment,’ but it didn’t stop there. I did not just attend and say “okay that was cool God, thanks! Let’s do this again in six months!” Nope. Like a shepherd, He found me, and then He proceeded to guide me to that next step, again and again. He led me from a season of desolate and desert faith to one of the richest that I have ever experienced in present day. The steps were not always easy, though.

We established above that I tend to oftentimes get anxious in various social settings, most notably the ones in which I do not know anybody there. Going to that church service felt like a massive step of faith, but He had bigger and better plans. I began attending regularly, and then I started getting this new conviction: You need to sign up for a small group. I’m sorry, God, what?! I haven’t been in one of those consistently since middle school, and I did not know a single college-aged human at this church. Translation: I would be walking into a group of strangers as ‘The New Kid.’

Queue my internal panic.

I obeyed, though, and I signed up and showed up to the first small group meeting for college students/young adults. The moment I stepped through the door, I felt a sense of peace. The leaders, Caleb and Becca, immediately made me feel like a part of the family, and the other young adults acted like I had been there forever; there was no ounce of that awkward odd-man-out feeling that the circumstances could have, and in all reality, should have, yielded. But at the end of the day, I had listened to God’s direction, and I felt the positive consequence of that obedience. Each week, I would show up and attend small group, and each week, I felt my personal relationship with God be strengthened and nurtured. I had found a home of believers in this group, and in Highlands Church.

This group and the spiritual fellowship that it brought me became such an important part of my life, and I looked forward to Thursday nights and Sunday mornings more than ever. I even missed my senior year sorority formal for ‘chicken nugget Friendsgiving’ night as a small group- that is dedication, right?! Little did I know that that night that seemed so silly in theory would be one filled with deep theological discussion that I still think and ponder on. Again, God is so cool.

Fast forward to the end of the semester, I was asked if I would be interested in helping lead the middle school girls at our church. Me? Someone who is nowhere near a theological expert, had just gotten back to regular church attendance in the last year, and had never done anything of the sort? I wanted to say, “God, are you sure I’m the right girl for this task?”

What I did say: Yes.

Thank God that I did. Helping to lead these precious students has been one of the biggest blessings, and I swear that they do more for me and my own life than I am doing for them by serving them. Each week, it is the absolute highlight getting to talk about the Good Lord with them and help lead them in their own spiritual journey. We even got to go on a winter retreat that was miserable when it came to the weather, but absolutely life-changing spiritually for the kids and us leaders as well. I got to lead a small group of my girls and other precious gals from other churches, and it was the baptism by fire that I needed to dive in as a small group leader.

And a small group leader I have been ever since, co-leading with the most amazing, spirit-filled and spirit-led women and men, and this was all fine and dandy, and then God said, “Let’s take it one step further.”

Each Sunday evening at small group, one of the pastors would typically lead with the message (as both our main pastor and student pastor were middle school boys leaders), and then we split by gender for small group discussion. A couple weeks into the semester, though, I got a text from the student pastor asking if I would lead the message for that coming Sunday.

I love public speaking, but I had never preached or done anything of the sort, so I excitedly, reluctantly, and expectantly accepted. Thankfully for my amateur self, we follow a curriculum for small group messages, so the general message was already written down with the big idea they wanted the kids to grasp, and then whoever presents it chooses how to deliver it, how to relate it to them, what personal story they want to share, and so on and so forth.

I look at the message for my week, and what do you know… It’s about Luke Chapter 15, the lost sheep. The big message is that Jesus notices you. The message was the one kicking off the whole month’s series all focused on the idea of being lost and found.

Are you joking, God? I mean, I just can’t make this stuff up.

In the curriculum, it said to tell a story of a time you felt spiritually lost. Well, I certainly had a story about that. I was nervous, though, to tell this story. I was scared that the girls would think less of me, that I would be looked at as an inadequate leader, or that it just simply wouldn’t resonate with these girls. But despite apprehension, I told the story. God had appointed me to that position for such a time as this, right? Who am I to disregard one of my favorite verses, and the one that this very blog was inspired by?

“Who knows if perhaps you were made queen for just such a time as this?”

Esther 4:14

So I shared my story and let God speak through me. It felt liberating. It felt amazing to be able to look these students in the eye and tell them what a good shepherd He is after experiencing that exact relationship with Him for myself so recently. I also found that the girls did not see me as inadequate to lead or spiritually weak for doing so, but instead that I was relatable, that I was honest with them and with myself, and that I had walked a path that perhaps some of them were wrestling with for themselves. The truth of the Christian experience and life is that it is not linear, and we are not failures when one season looks a bit different, a little dimmer than the last. What is important is that we don’t stay in those dim seasons, but we pursue the light, pursue His face, knowing that He will meet us and lead us out of whatever darkness and hard times we’re facing.

I mentioned earlier that I can look back and see God’s hand in all of this, and this is why I say that. July 3, 2017, I wrote a post on here entitled “To Bare a Soul…,” which was all about how I was feeling spiritually lost and was seeking community with fellow believers and intimacy with God. In that post, “To bare a soul…” I referenced the prodigal son in Luke Chapter 15, a story from the same chapter I stood up and taught on to my students just last semester. In that post, I talked about my wrestling with faith, and now I look back and see the result of that wrestling, and it has made my walk with Christ all the much stronger. How amazing is it that we serve a God who does not balk at our questions and challenges, but instead welcomes them?

Flash forward to today, as I write this later, edited version of this post, I am amazed at all he has done with a simple ‘yes.’ A year really can change so much.

So why do I say all this? Why do I tell the world how I spent a good portion of my life not attending church or being a lukewarm Christian? Why do I tell you of my amazing experience with my now church home? Do I do it to hype up Highlands? No, though I do love my church, that is not my main purpose in sharing this. Do I do it to hype myself up and all that I am fortunate to be a part of as a result? Absolutely not!

The main desire of my heart in sharing this is that someone, somewhere is perhaps in my position, maybe one similar or exactly the same, where God is asking something of you: Just take the next step. He is calling on you to step out in faith and obedience and give Him your simplest “yes.” It is scary, it’s hard, but it is worth it! I promise. I’m living proof.

Another reason that I choose to share all this: To let you know that you are not alone. I am a BIG believer in the power of stories and their ability to foster such great connection. When we tell our stories, soon, we realize that some of these harder experiences are not unique to us. We are not alone in these struggles, but they are in fact universal ones that so many others have walked and are working to this day. By sharing our stories, we have a moment of “wait, you too?” and soon enough, we realize how supported and seen we are in these struggles.

One last story that I want to tell about this… Maybe a year and a half/two years ago, I received a Direct Message from a friend from high school. She sent me the sweetest message about how I was inspiring her as a Christian woman. Her words were beautiful, lifting me up and speaking such encouragement over my life, though I must admit that while I was incredibly honored and thankful for the message, I also felt like such a fraud. At that time, I was still living my lukewarm life, but on the outside I was rocking it out. Let me tell you this, perception is a liar (and social media is the biggest perpetrator of those lies). So again, why do I say this? Well, I share this to say, finally, that everything and everyone is not as it seems. That person that you see as a “model Christian,” they might be breaking down behind the scenes, so please, never judge yourself by what the world tells you you should be. You will lose the battle every time striving to meet the standards that others carefully curate for themselves. Hold yourself up next to God’s word, His standards, the truth that you were made in His image and are beautifully and wonderfully made, despite any mistakes you have made or times you have walked away. There lies your identity and your value.

You are not as alone as you think you are, in this place, in this season, in this life. So pretty please, take it from someone who has been there, done that… just come back home. Don’t fight it. If He is calling you, He will equip you.

Just come home.

Youth ministry is a blast!! 😉

Not a Cottage, but a Castle

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Are you familiar with the phrase “Want to make God laugh? Tell Him your plans”? Because while I have heard it several times, the good Lord decided it was time I experienced it firsthand. God has many methods of redirection/reevaluations, or setting us back on track to HIS glorious plan for our life, and I am back to using metaphors to illustrate what he illuminated for me.

There are 3 types of “re-directions” or signals we reach and they each serve a different purpose in life, but each is necessary.

The first way the Lord gets us back on track is by giving us a speed-bump, a small momentary set back that causes us to slow down, take a look around, and breathe. Speed-bumps don’t cause panic, and they don’t cause us to come to a stop, but they do give us a chance to take a pause and let it remind us to not fly through life- I mean the road. Speed bumps can come from something as simple as a loved one pointing out an unsavory behavior or path in the eyes of the Lord, and provides the necessary wake up to said behavior and path and allows for us to proceed with greater insight and a fuller and more Godly perception.

The second way I have found that the Lord puts us back on track is through stop signs, moments where we come to a halt in whatever it is we are focused on and take a look around. Perhaps we were so focused on OUR vision for our lives and needed the gentle reminder that we are at God’s mercy. These moments of pause give us broadened perspective to see what else is coming, fully evaluate if it is God’s will we are pursuing or our own, and allow for us to resume our ride through life with a refreshed perspective and focus.

The third way God redirects us to His divine plan is through a complete change in direction via a roadblock- those events or people that we can’t get past or that alter the course of our life entirely. These roadblocks redirect us onto a different path, and while the scariest and most dramatic of all signals- these re-directions can lead to the most fruitful aspects and opportunities of life. Going down a foreign and new path can be terrifying, but it is the wonder and novelty of these new roads that aids us in focusing on God, as we are totally dependent on His guidance for navigation and at His complete mercy.

It is so easy to get wrapped up in our “perfect” and ideal plans for our own lives and forget to place them at the feet and mercy of the one who gave them to us in the first place. Day in and day out, I tend to think up the “perfect” scenarios- whether it be in regards to my future job, the guy I like asking me out, or even something as seemingly mundane as acing that next test. In my mind, that is what would be my best and ideal life- but God. What He has in mind for us infinitely trumps what we plan for ourselves, and it is His plan that can claim true perfection. While a diversion away from our own set plans can seem catastrophic or worrisome, it in all reality is a chance for God to set you back on the path to His ideal plan. Whether it be through a speed bump, stop sign, or road block, He is using these moments of reevaluation and redirection to lead us all to HIS divine plan and purpose for our lives so that we can truly live them to the fullest extent possible. To quote the great Rascal Flatts, “Life is a highway” and with God as our navigator, and His plan our road, it will be the most wonderful ride imaginable.

This metaphor from C.S. Lewis paints it beautifully in his book Mere Christianity,

“Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on; you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make any sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of – throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were being made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself.”

-C.S. Lewis

Love y’all and God bless!

<3,

Me

Our Father, Our Dearest Friend

Published on by KendallLeave a comment

Okay, I am about to somewhat contradict myself and an earlier post… but just bear with me.

As Christians, I feel like we have a tendency to fear imperfection and to feel inferior to each other. In these moments of self doubt and inferiority, I know that I can find myself feeling alone and unworthy of human attention, let alone the attention of the most high. As humans, we inherently compare ourselves to the world and its standards and can easily lose sight of the only opinion that truly matters. When we aim to please the world and value its opinion, we are placing earthly acceptance and relationships over God’s. As children of God, we have a constant, a friend, a father. We have a Lord who views us as His own- chosen, set apart, and perfect. And in Him, we have a friend.

I know that I struggle with the need to be desired, accepted, and understood- as so many of us constantly do. The world is a vast and unforgiving pace that would sooner admonish you for a small error than it would celebrate your latest victory, as it is selfish and in the market of self satisfaction and glorification. But our God takes joy in our smallest victories and forgives our largest failures. He wants us to run to Him, with fervent desire to share our every moment with Him.

I previously had commented on how God is beyond our wildest imagination and larger than we can ever begin to understand, but while that is certainly true, there is another side to God’s greatness- and it is that while He is mighty beyond our dreams, He is also as close as a brother.

“I know who goes before me
I know who stands behind
The God of angel armies
Is always by my side

The one who reigns forever
He is a friend of mine
The God of angel armies
Is always by my side”

–Whom Shall I Fear (God Of Angel Armies) by Chris Tomlin

We belittle ourselves, letting the world make us feel inferior and unworthy, yet the God who created everything, including YOU, wants nothing more than your messy, at times so very broken, perfectly imperfect self. That’s it. The God of angel armies stands by you through every single obstacle we face- whether it be in the spirit or the flesh.

Rough test? He’s there.

Devastating diagnosis? He’s there.

A heartbreaking loss? Yup, He’s right there.

Nothing is too small or insignificant for His attention, because we are His children and whatever is causing our souls turmoil, He will be there as we fight and overcome it, providing us the strength and comfort to do what we must.

When the pressure of the world is to “be perfect,” God just simply says “be MINE.” We don’t have to fear imperfection, because He sees not these blunders, but His precious Son that wiped us clean of them in His eyes.

“We please Him most, not by frantically trying to make ourselves good, but by throwing ourselves into His arms with all our imperfections and believing that He understands everything– and still loves us.”

-A.W. Tozer

He has loved us with everlasting love, and no human misstep can change that. Yes, our God is perfect, and mighty, and powerful beyond all understanding- but while He is the mighty lion, He is also our dearest friend- a lamb.

I know how easy it is to get caught up in the weight of the world and the pressure it places on us to fit its molds. What Christian doesn’t fight the battle of the spirit versus the flesh? But we don’t have to fall prey to sin, because we have a weapon against the self doubt and deprecation, and that is our Father’s unfailing love for us and His belief in us. God is the ultimate best friend, cheering us on through every. single. step. No mountain will remain unmoved, no stone un-turned, no life kept from the glorious potential awaiting it when the Lord stands in its midst. We must learn to rely on and trust in Him, knowing that there will never be a day when He turns from us or sees any trouble of ours as insignificant, or a sin too dirty-unforgivable.

We are drowning in His grace and love, and when we feel the world creeping up on us, we just need to remember that “the God of angel armies is ALWAYS by our side.” We will forever keep that song in our hearts and our souls focused on the most high- and closest friend.

Love y’all and God bless!

❤

Me

P.S. This is one of my all time favorite songs reminding me of His unfailing love… Listen to it Here. You’ll be playing it on repeat for days to come!

The Expanse of The Father’s Majesty

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Everyday I live life in the fast lane as so many of us often do. I don’t take the time to fully notice the beauty and goodness surrounding me. I fail to notice the smallest and oftentimes most meaningful moments of life, instead focusing on the next bigger and better moment. But though I tend to oftentimes hurry through this life, God finds ways to show up and rock my world and my perspective. Last summer, I went on the most impactful trip and spent a fantastic week in Daytona, Florida with my church and God showed up in some huge ways throughout the whole week. But though the week was filled with revelation and breakthroughs, one of the most hard-hitting moments for me is when I laid my eyes on the ocean for the first time. I saw the great expanse of the crystal waters and felt a stirring in my soul. Though the water was filled with such beauty and my heart jumped at the sight, I experienced a strange and unexpected emotion… I was filled with fear. This fear was not for the depth of the ocean, for I know that that is great, nor for the dangers within the ocean, though those are very present, but it was merely for the seemingly infinite expanse that it stretched.

My limited capacity to understand all things infinite was tested by the vastness  of this body of water. I struggled and longed to see the end, but ultimately failed. I wanted so desperately to know what lay at the other side of this body of water but try as I might, it could not be found by my mere human eyes. The shoreline was what I wanted but I now realize that the mystery was what I needed. I wanted proof, but I needed wonder. See, if I could see that shoreline I could limit the expanse of the ocean and belittle its majesty and beauty, but in not finding the end and boundary, I was left to marvel at its greatness. This realization sent my thoughts on a crazy track as my eyes were shifted Heaven-ward. How often do we try to put God in a box or boundary in order to wrap our limited minds around Him? How often do we try to fully understand the things that we will never be able to? Why do we try to make Jesus as much like us as we can in hopes to find a kinship and similarity? And in the end, how often do we limit God and His majesty to comfort our stirring and fearful hearts? We all long to understand that which we cannot and when we can’t do that, we are fearful for the unknown. When was the last time that you rejoiced and marveled in the mystery?

The last few months have been a sort or lesson for me and a new journey for me has begun. I realized that I had thought of my Heavenly Father as a close friend, not at the Holy wonder that He is. While yes, He is closer than a friend, He is so much more and in thinking that that was all He was, my reverence and wonder had begun to fade. In my mind, He wasn’t as much as this majestic and unimaginable God as He was my closest friend who happened to create a whole universe. I didn’t realize it but I had been putting my God into a box as I tried to make Him something understandable and relatable. I was belittling His power as I made Him more human like. Think of it this way, we were made in God’s image, He was not made in ours. God does not resemble us, we are made to be like Him.

When the waves of life come crashing upon us, true comfort will not come from earthly remedies, for it is from this earth that the troubles originate. True and all-encompassing peace and strength come from the knowledge that a God so powerful is holding us in the storm. When we belittle our Divine Creator, the doubts come flooding in as we question His ability to calm the waves. However, when we let ourselves see Him as He truly is, the Almighty, the King over all, the Creator of the universe, and the very One who made us- made all in existence, the storm begins to calm as we can relinquish control and put it into His hands. Nothing is too small, nothing too insignificant for our God to handle. He made you and through it all, He is for you.

“Not being able to fully understand God is frustrating, but it is ridiculous for us to think we have the right to limit God to something we are capable of comprehending.”

-Crazy Love, Francis Chan

Who am I to shrink God to my likeness for my comfort? It’s so easy to shape our views around what is comfortable and easy to understand instead of letting our minds stretch to embrace the marvel that He is. Don’t be afraid of fearing him and His power. Our Father is terrifying in the most beautiful way and His power is unimaginable. The expanse of His majesty is beyond our wildest dreams and it is in that terrifying fact that true comfort and peace can exist.

❤

Love Y’all and God Bless

 

A Beacon of Light

Published on by KendallLeave a comment

“If you were accused of being a Christian, would there be enough evidence to convict you?”

As we go through life, we are constantly being watched and judged. People will develop an opinion about you and you will gain a reputation whether you want one or not. It takes nothing to gain a reputation but it takes everything to gain a good one. Your life is being watched and reviewed by the world and it’s your job to make the message it sends a good one. There is a saying that goes like this, “Live your life in such a way that if someone were to speak badly about you, nobody would believe it.” Our lives are a light and beacon to those around us and we want to always be just that, a light, and not a dark cloud. The way that we live our life, determined by both our words and actions, sets the message that we project outwards onto the world.

We were not given a chance at life to merely live for ourselves. The intention behind our day-to-day activities is to bring glory and honor to the Kingdom of God. “Don’t shine so that others can see you. Shine so that through you, others can see Him.” Each and every day we are faced with situations and chances that enable us to do just that. The spotlight that we shine out should not be pointed back at us, but on our Heavenly Father and in all ways we should turn the glory and praise back to Him. If you do this and focus on doing everything in your power to live a life in this way, light and goodness will shine out of you for all to see. It is then that you stop living for yourself and your earthly ambitions and desires, but become eternally driven. This drive is like a filter. When you are wholeheartedly focused on the King, unearthly pleasures and habits are broken and become insignificant as we aspire to be more like our Savior. The world will see the light you’re emitting and wonder where it came from. This beauty and goodness can do more to lead people to the Father than a thousand words could ever do.

“You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden.15 Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. 16 In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in Heaven.” -Matthew 5:14-16

Our goal as Christians is to be Christ-like in everything and all that we do. Though we will never be perfect as He is, we can try our hardest to obey our Father and live a life pleasing to Him- repenting whenever we fall short. God knows that we’re not perfect and that we as humans will always sin, that’s why He sent Jesus to save us. He doesn’t expect perfection, but He does desire and hope for our effort and strides towards it. Our life should show this effort in all ways. You cannot just “talk the talk” and expect your life to change and be purified. We must aspire to be purified in both our actions and words so that we can in all ways be Christ-like and bring glory to our Father. You may be the only Jesus someone ever comes across, meaning that you may be the only glimpse of Christianity and God’s love that some people will ever see. Your life could turn people to Jesus every day based on the way you live it. Make sure you are representing God in a way that is true and good and full of the admiration and glory that He is so deserving of. Be a beacon of light and faith, illuminating the seemingly ever-present darkness that tries to fill this world and show it the power that is of a Heavenly light.

Yes, we are judged in life and it is ever so important to witness to others, but there is a flip side. Ultimately, we live before an audience of One. While we should aim to lead a Christ-like life and point people to God, we should never solely live for others and their approval. At the end of the day, we answer to and are judged by the Heavenly King and we can never forget that. While our earthly reputation means a lot regarding our success in shining The Father’s light, we do not need to live our lives fully focused on pleasing others. There is a huge difference between living for the impacting and influencing of others and simply living for the approval and pleasing of others. We should never aim to please this earth, but to please the Father above all. People will always judge you and it can be distressing to know that we are constantly being eyed and sized up, but we were not put on this Earth to meet its standards and expectations- our standards are sent from above. When we reach the end of our life, we will not be standing in front of those who judged us in this life, but we will stand before The Judge. We will not be surrounded by a cloud of our Earthly reputation and what people thought of us, but we will be surrounded by the truth of our actions and the life that God witnessed.

Reputation and how the world sees you is like a double-sided coin. On one hand, we must always be sure that we’re living a life and setting a reputation about ourselves that is full of light and brings glory to God. While at times it is harder to do the Godly thing, it is always worth it. Not only will our lives be immensely better and full of goodness, but unending glory will be given to our Father. If you live in such a way, people can say whatever they want about you behind your back, but your true light and personality will shine so brightly that only the truth will prevail. If someone spoke ill about you, not a soul would believe it for they see the incredible light that you are always emitting. But while this is a beautiful thing, and having a light filled reputation is great, we cannot get too consumed with the world’s perception of us. God is the only one to whom we answer at the end of the day and His opinion of us is worth infinitely more than that of the world.

At the end of the day, what is our life saying? Are we living for the betterment and glory of God’s kingdom? Are we seeking to be as Christ-like as we possibly can? And are you living up to all that God has created you to be? Your life is a gift. Never take for granted the chance that you’ve been given. Each and every day God chooses to wake you up to fulfill a purpose and it should always be our goal to embrace this privilege and plan forever and always. Your life is a message… What will it say?

❤

Love y’all and God bless:)

Here is My Struggle, but Here is My Strength

Published on by KendallLeave a comment

“Jesus wept.” John 11:35

There is not a single soul on this Earth that is not in some way broken. Everyone has a Goliath- a struggle that they’re facing. Whether it is life shattering, or merely something that plagues your day, there is nobody in existence that leads a life free from pain and struggles. Each and every day there are people suffering from illness, depression, anxiety, addiction, shame, guilt, fear, and so many other clouds of darkness that can threaten to overtake a beautiful life.

Look around at our world today and you’ll see a society that is always trying to appear perfect. We chase the latest and greatest to gain status. We cover ourselves in makeup to appeal to what we think is the ideal image of how we should look. We hide anything that shows the cracks in a seemingly perfect life. This world celebrates the ideal and frowns upon anything less. We tend to dismiss the suffering, ignore the cries for help, and heartbreakingly enough, we push away our own heartache and demons swirling within for fear of being judged by the world.

We all hurt in some way but instead of owning our pain, we try to hide it. We fear the judgement we believe awaits us. We are becoming an uncaring and judgemental society that feeds on the condemning of those that encounter failure. We love to quote the Bible and say that even Jesus cried and hurt but we refuse to admit and own up to the hurt we feel ourselves. We don’t realize what that verse is fully saying. Jesus, the Savior of mankind cried. He did not hide His pain from the wolrd but laid himself bare for all to see. If Jesus could show fear and heartache, we as mere humans should be able to do the same. Teach the world that the way of judgement and condemnation is not the way of goodness and will ultimately lead to ruin.We need to break the norm and change the ways of this society. Showing our pain is not weakness, in fact to show one’s pain to the world is true strength.

It is so unbelievably easy to tell people of your latest accomplishment, so why is it so hard to speak of our current heartache? To become vulnerable and real to the world frightens us. When we are hurt, we build up barriers and scab over so we can’t be hurt again and so that others won’t see our weaknesses. But what is so crazy is that ripping off the figurative scab and breaking down our barriers is the most liberating feeling when plagued by pain. Show the world your struggle and don’t be afraid- for your struggle shows your strength.

To conquer a struggle and a dark time requires perseverance, faith, hope, and strength. We can show all of this just by showing our wound. We need to stop being afraid and stop covering up the test because that test will become the testimony. The struggle shows the strength. Your mess, will become your message. Show the world your pain, but don’t focus on it. Say, here is my struggle, but look at what I did or am doing to conquer it.

Stop plastering on fake smiles for the sake of the world and let them see the realness underneath. You don’t need to be all smiles all the time, just be real. Let’s face it, we are a broken world full of broken people. We’re not all perfect and we’re not all thriving but we’re doing the best we can to be the best we can be. Show the world the truth and don’t fear the rejection…  welcome the liberation.

Don’t muffle your own voice. Say to the world- Yes, I am grieving. Yes, I am heartbroken. Yes, life is not ideal right now. But no, I don’t want sympathy. No, I don’t need judgement. No, this will not break me. Don’t focus on my mess but focus on my message and testimony and see all that God is doing to help me out of this pit. That’s what so many fail to realize. We don’t acknowledge the fact that each and every one of us were made to bring glory to our creator and to do work for His kingdom. By hiding the largest aspects of our lives, we are hiding part of the beautifully imperfect story He has written for us. The faith it takes to get out of a dark time is a message in and of itself and you never know who desperately needs to see that strength and faith.

When you are so tempted to dig deeper within yourself to hide, focus on the light drawing you up to the surface and out into the world. Focus on the world that needs to hear your story. One thing that this world applauds more than perfection is redemption. We all want to see the underdog come out on top, and the bad guy become a hero. Let the world become a part of your redemption story and through it all, turn the eyes of those around you to the full glory of the King. Focus on the good He is showering down through the hard times and show that to the world.

Go out there and break down your walls. Wash off that painted smile. Tear off that sheet that is blocking the world from your struggle. Stop worrying about how you’ll be perceived. Live your life as it is and do your gosh darn best to make the best of it. Yes I’m broken but see, I’m still strong. Because of my hurt, I have been built up. Because of my pain, I’ve been softened and given a new heart. Because of my current darkness, I will search for the beauty this world possesses. Yes I’m heartbroken, but I am still strong through the storm. Here’s my struggle, but here’s my strength.

“Sometimes you have to be knocked down lower than you ever have been to stand up taller than you ever were before.”

Don’t hide anymore. You were given this life because you were strong enough to live it, now get out there and go for it, with all walls torn down.

❤

Love y’all and God bless:)