As much as I feel like I have shared about my life on here, I strangely enough never did share about one of the very best experiences of it… the time I studied abroad the summer after my freshman year of college.

I know what you’re thinking, “Great, another former college student talking about how a short stint abroad ‘changed their life.'” There is that stereotype of the young adult/college student that takes a trip abroad for a few weeks or months and claims that it changed their life and everything about them. I’ve seen the memes, I’ve watched the TikToks, and I know all about that stereotype. As someone who did take such a trip, I totally love memes and see their point, because yeahhh sometimes it’s a little obnoxious; There are some downright hysterical ones out there too, for what it’s worth! 😉 I mean, how much can your life really ‘change’ in such a short period of time?

But here’s the thing… those claims, the ones of having one’s life changed, I do kind of see their merit. Maybe it looks small to the rest of the world, and maybe, yes, there is absolutely some exaggeration there in MANY accounts, but to say that they’re alllll just over-inflating the actual impact of the experience? Well, perhaps that just isn’t fully true. Maybe there is a little shred of truth in there. Maybe something doesn’t have to be earth-shattering to be life-altering.

Now, don’t worry, I am not here to say that I “lived abroad” after only four weeks or play into the stereotype, but instead, I just wanted to share a change of perspective that I experienced as a result of such an experience.

Think about that best friend that you met back in school. Think about how within such a short time of knowing them, you felt like you had known each other forever and could no longer imagine life without them. You didn’t need a year to develop a life-changing friendship, just a short time left an eternal impact on your life. Experiences are like that too.

July 2019, I spent four weeks in Northern Ireland studying Irish Literature and Culture at Queen’s University Belfast. I had the opportunity to do so through the US-UK Fulbright Commission, and it was one of the single most incredible experiences of my entire life.

For those four weeks, my amazing roommates (my fellow Fulbright Summer Institute Participants) and I attended enriching classes and lectures, visited classic Northern Irish sites and landmarks, explored whenever and whatever we could, and even spent a whole weekend at a restored 17th century farmhouse in the Irish countryside. (Queue shameless photo dump in 3….2…1)

Does that not look and sound like the best time?! If you’re not thinking a big “heck yes,” then I promise you you are wrong! It was a magical time.

These above pictures truly do not do the whole experience justice in all of its wonderful glory, but they also don’t chronicle the other side of things; they don’t tell of some of the harder times and struggles I encountered over in Belfast for those four weeks.

I can tend to be a generally anxious person by nature. It’s always worse when circumstances appear to validate those fears. For those that know me or have read along here for a bit, you know that I experienced a bit of an *exciting* event my first night of college that resulted in my moving back home 24 hours later (for those that don’t know what I’m talking about, you can hear the whoooole exciting saga here!).

What this meant was that I had never truly successfully lived away from home without some sort of scary, traumatic happening. My first time doing so would be that following summer, 19 years old, on the other side of the world, in Belfast. The program was not through my university, but through Fulbright, so I was traveling to Northern Ireland truly alone, and I would be meeting only strangers when I arrived.

Truth be told, part of why I applied to study in Northern Ireland there was that it was a mystery to me. What I did know absolutely intrigued me, but it was also the country I knew the least about from the program’s choices. I was interested in the culture, history, and nature of the people, but I did not know what that would look like in all reality.

When my taxi pulled away from the airport and into the heart of Belfast, where my apartment was located, my stomach dropped. It was not the rolling green hills that I had anticipated, but instead a heavily industrial city. Granted, I knew Belfast itself was an industrial city, but I didn’t fully realize that I would be living in the heart of that city during my time there instead of the more natural areas. Fun fact about me… I’m not a city girl. I grew up in a friendly suburban area, an hour outside of Atlanta, and to this day, I still dread having to drive into the city because it can make me anxious (but also, Atlanta drivers are their own kind of stressful, so there’s that…). The first bit of Belfast that I encountered sure looked a whole lot like parts of Atlanta, and that was a little nerve-wracking.

I then learned the true nature of Northern Ireland’s political landscape. I know I will not do the history justice, and I do not want to minimize or mis-explain it at all, so I HIGHLY recommend looking into it and The Troubles and their lasting impact, including paramilitary groups.

Did you look it up? Well if you did, then you know that the history is devastatingly intense, and the present still holds remnant of the Troubles’ effects, including the paramilitary groups that used to or still technically do exist in the area. I heard paramilitary, and my brain immediately said, “terrorists.fear.violence.death.” Queue the anxiety. I was already consumed by the newness of it all, but now I had very real dangers that my mind could blow out of proportion. In all actuality, I was in no danger, and the groups posed no active threat or danger to me, but they were an unfamiliar concept, and boy is it easy to fear what you don’t fully understand!

The first week I was in Belfast, I had to keep my brain from spiraling out of control. While the days were busy and packed full of amazing experiences that kept my mind full of curiosity and joy, the nights were hard. It was at night, alone, and left to my own thoughts that I felt the fear and unease begin to take over (There also was a time difference that prevented me from easily contacting my loved ones back home whenever I wanted, so the homesickness was real!). I would practically cry myself to sleep, on the verge of, if not in the middle of, a full blown panic attack every night. I was full of fear…Fear of the unknown, of what I knew but didn’t quite understand, and what I knew and understood too much about for my own good.

Each day and night, I earnestly sought the comfort of my Creator, crying out for strength and reassurance that all would be okay. One night, I began writing down my thoughts. The sparknotes version of them looked like this: “God, give me the courage to step out of my comfort zone. Give me the courage to experience this country for all it has to offer without fear tainting it. Give me the courage to believe it all can be okay, that it all will be.” See, in the moments of fear, I was so caught up in what all could go wrong and how I could ‘fix’ it that I didn’t believe that it could really all just end up okay, let alone have confidence that it would. But that’s what I decided to hold onto and speak over my days, and those harder nights:

God, give me the courage to believe that it all will be okay.

When I felt fearful, I thought it; When I started to catastrophize, I thought it; When I felt overwhelmed, I thought it. I held onto that prayer and slowly began to really feel it. Then something really cool happened- I encountered an old favorite quote that I had forgotten about.

“Courage, dear heart.”

C.S. Lewis

Not only was that quote alone exactly what I needed to hear, but I soon realized that there were some cool coincidences tied to it. Stay with me here…

The quote itself is from the third book of C.S. Lewis’s Chronicles of Narnia Series, “The Dawn Treader.” Lewis, a prolific Christian writer, was actually born in Belfast, so his name and image were all around me.

The location of Lewis’s birth in and of itself was neat to realize, but here is where the quote really came to life for me… Even though I had known and loved it for a while, truth be told, I did not very well know the actual context (I never finished reading the series, though it is in fact on the list, and I loved all that I have read!). I decided to research the context of the quote within the story, and here is what I learned: The quote was spoken by a bodiless voice to the young female character, Lucy, in a moment of great fear, danger, and peril. Lucy knew as soon as she heard it that it belonged to Aslan, the great Lion. Aslan, for those unfamiliar with Narnia, is an allegorical representation of Jesus. So plainly broken down and adjusted for its symbolism, this phrase was uttered to Lucy by Jesus when she was in a time of fear and danger. How easy it was for me then to swap out myself for Lucy, instead feeling as if it were God speaking directly to me, his daughter, in my time of fear and anxiety: “Courage, dear heart.”

So that prayer continued to give me strength, now even more so as I envisioned my God saying to back to me. Day by day, it got easier to believe it, to let go of the fear and anxiety and just embrace the excitement and mystery for all it was worth. Soon, I found myself truly settled in and thriving in this little season I was blessed to be in. I was living confidently, courageously, and with that brought much joy and many blessings.

I began to walk confidently through the city, as now it had a familiarity to it. My roommates and I went out downtown in the evenings to the pubs for some amazing live music (and yes, we tried the infamous Guinness, and it was far better than here in the states, but still not my total cup of tea…;)). On weekends, the five of us hiked up various mountains, taking in views of the city we were quickly falling in love with, daring to get a little lost along the way (literally). We even decided to take a weekend trip to Dublin to stay at a restored 17th century farmhouse in the middle of the Irish countryside. We were truly making the best of our time there and embracing our most adventurous sides.

All in all, the trip was fantastic and magical and gave me more core memories than I know what to do with, and it also gave me a very real chance to put my faith and trust into practice. All along, I was growing and transforming into a newer, better version of myself.

When I returned home four weeks later, I didn’t look any different, I didn’t really act all that different, but I had a different mindset that did not exist on the plane ride over, a certain confidence and peace had taken root.

The transition was most evident to me in my layover. One of the many perks of traveling through the Fulbright Commission was that they booked and covered our transportation. Both ways, they booked me flights that had layovers in London for about 5-6 hours each. When I had first landed in London from Atlanta, I was TERRIFIED. I was so thrown off by everything; I was confused by the airport and navigating customs, I was too intimidated to try out their currency to grab a bite to eat, and my phone had zero service in the moment, so I could not even initially contact my loved ones. I was a ball of complete and total anxiety. I was so afraid of missing my flight to Belfast that I found a spot by the announcement board, claimed my small space, and watched Netflix the whole time, not daring to move. I was so unsure of myself and anxious about the situation that I made myself as small and ‘safe’ as possible, not taking a single step out of my comfort zone.

The way back was a different story. Same airport, same layover time, different mindset. After flying into London from Belfast, I was hungry and ready to find some sustenance. Instead of sitting fearfully and anxiously as I once had, I explored the airport and found a bite to eat, confidently strolling through and stepping out of the routine that would have been most comfortable. Ironically, I found myself right back in the same spot as last time, in front of the same board, but this time, I spread out my lunch (respectfully, of course), made myself comfortable, and enjoyed my time in the airport.

Is this a groundbreaking story? No, of course not. But, it was enough of a boost for me to know that something had in fact changed. I had found a new, confident, adventurous part of myself. I trusted myself to step out of what was comfortable, and I trusted that God had me in His hands the whole way; I trusted that no matter what uncomfortable or anxiety-inducing experience I found myself in, it would all be okay.

And that brings me right back to my initial point… Yes, it is SO cliché to claim that that trip changed my life, but I went from someone who had never lived alone at all to someone who could navigate international airports and travel across the world all by herself. I had done something huge in my life.

Here is what that showed me: Every experience can leave a lasting impact and help mold you into the person you are meant to be, whether big or small. So no, I am not an expert on Northern Ireland, and I did only have four weeks there, but I know for a fact that the Kendall who left Atlanta that June 22 is a different version from the one who returned just four weeks later.

So maybe it does seem presumptive or wildly dramatic to say a short stint abroad, or a small experience in life can really change who you are. But maybe that’s the whole point… That these experiences, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant they are to ourselves or to those who are only onlookers, they hold the potential to be completely transformative. They all matter in the grand scheme of who we are. They all play a part in our personal growth and transformation. Don’t minimize an experience simply because the world says it’s too small to matter. Every little moment is a part of your story, and any little thing can be a catalyst for growth.

A few weeks really can change one’s whole life. A few days can, too. As can a few brief moments. The time for which you endure something or the sheer extent of it does not necessarily determine its impact on you or your life.

Every moment holds within it the potential to be used by God to craft you into the person He created you to be. Never minimize that.

He can use the smallest moments, the most random experiences, and the people you never even saw coming, or interacted with for that long even, to grow and transform you. Don’t get so caught up in the magnitude of something that you overlook the impact of it.

The little things? The little moments? They aren’t little.”

Jon Kabat-Zinn

Exactly. I couldn’t have said it any better myself.