The other morning I did something I am not exactly super proud of… I was running a bit late to school (as usual), but not so much that I would be parking in the gravel, and I let a car out in front of me when I was stopped for a light. Said light is the cause of nearly all of the awful traffic on my morning commute, so I just needed to pass it in order to make school on time and get a parking spot. As I sat there waiting, after letting him go, I found myself thinking “I hope I don’t miss the light because I let him out- with my luck, he’ll be the last one through and I’ll be waiting another three minutes.” Yeah.. not exactly my finest or most selfless moment. I initially did not realize the meaning of what I was thinking, but as the day went on, that thought was nagging at me and I realized that while waiting at that light, I was treating what would have been the tiniest sacrifice- three minutes to be exact- with the weight of something more than what it was worth.

This revelation was humbling, as I like to consider myself a typically considerate and selfless person, but in a small and quiet moment, selfishness and inability to fully relinquish control won out.

Like most Christians, I ask God to use me for His purpose and kingdom, but I don’t always acknowledge what this really means. In order to be used by God, I must fully let go of my attempts to control the many aspects of my life and let His will for my life become my purpose and path- but how can I expect to be used fully and greatly for His kingdom when I can’t even give up three minutes for another without reservation?

“Thy will be done” and “even so come” are prayers I find myself saying, but I, like many other, fail to realize what these words really mean. These prayers are asking for God’s will to be done fully in us, regardless of the cost it brings with it. We want to think we have surrendered our lives over totally, but there are still aspects of life we still grip onto far too tightly. I find myself not fully surrendered and unwilling to face what truly comes.

Yes Lord, use me- but not like that.

Lord let me be a witness- but I don’t want to break up with Him.

Father, I am Yours, work through me- but I need this job too much to lose it.

Use me, but not like that. Beneath my desire to be a vehicle for His word, I found my hesitance to complete surrender and tight grip over control in my life- because the unknown is hard, feeling “powerless” is hard, and trusting God with every last aspect of life, including and especially the hardest parts, is so. very. hard.

I ask God to use me, but I am oftentimes latched onto insignificant matters, like three minutes. I hesitate to make the tiniest of sacrifice for a fellow man, but yet the one I strive to be like sacrificed His very life for all of man.

The first lesson I took from these revelations is that in order to be fully used by God, I need to be willing to make ‘sacrifices’ as Jesus asks us to- as seemingly small as a three minute delay, or  going far out of your way to be there for one in need. When I am able to give up something desirable for something less so as a result of God’s calling, I can fully embrace a Christlike heart and allow God to fully work in me.

“Don’t cross oceans for those who wouldn’t cross a puddle for you.”

Someone said in response, “No, do it. Do cross oceans for people. Love people, all people. No conditions attached, no wondering whether or not they’re worthy. Cross oceans, climb mountains. Life and love isn’t about what you gain, it’s what you give.”
(Anonymous)

I want to face service to others and sacrificing even the smallest of things as a privilege, an opportunity to serve others like with a selfless heart, running toward the image of my Creator, and witnessing to others what it truly means to be a follower of Christ. It is not about me, but what God will and can do through me. Use my life Lord and eliminate my reservations.

This moment in my morning commute also worked to illuminate another realization within me and it is that fear and doubt manifest themselves in the form of control. My inability to fully surrender all aspects of life are attributed to my doubt of what is to come, of what I could lose, and of the reality of a life fully laid down at the Savior’s feet- even so come. It is here that the verse “Be still and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10) becomes so real to me, as it is a testament to quieting our impulses and urges to take control, and to be at peace and joyful in the fact that He is God almighty and we must only ‘be still’ and follow His guidance.

“Surrender is deeply misunderstood as an act of weakness. Surrender is the bravest and most lucid thing a man ever does, and that’s why it’s so precious to [God].”

(Andrew Harvey)

Surrender is scary, giving up something one loves or desires is upsetting, but God is so good and in His goodness, he can use these frustrations and hard times as a vehicle to your greatest calling. It’s not at all to say that He won’t or can’t use you until then, as there is a well know quote that says “God doesn’t call the qualified. He qualifies the called” (Excerpt from Undaunted by Christine Caine). In this way, it furthers the idea that God can use you no matter what- reservations and all; however, my prayer and goal for myself is that I do not sit by and remain idle while waiting for the call, but that I am continuously striving to be like Christ and running headfirst towards His divine pathway. We all have our obstacles blocking us from a full life in the spirit, what is it for you?

For me, it is relinquishing control of all aspects of life I still claim ownership of and maintain a firm grip on. It is fully trusting that no.matter. what life throws my way, it is nothing I cannot handle with the spirit of the Lord working and living within me. It is embodying the selfless spirit of a Christian and giving of myself to my fellow man, despite the inconvenience or discomfort that it may cause. It is accepting and embracing the divine mystery of our Creator, and the expulsion of any and all doubt caused by the presence of earthly thoughts and influence on the basis of “logic” or “impossibility”, wherein the world questions and subsequently silences what it cannot fully understand.

It is praying to God, with complete surrender to the full reality of my words:

“Even so come, Lord, let Thy will be done.”

 

“To think you can love God without being changed by Him, is to think you can jump into the ocean and not get wet. To really love Him, you must understand that your life is going to be wrecked by Him, and built again into something beautiful, something lasting.”

(T.B. LaBerge)

It is not easy, it is not comfortable, it is not painless…

But neither was dying on the cross so that I could have that very relationship. Thank. You. Jesus.

 

“If Jesus said ‘Drop everything and follow me.’ Would you do it?” (Anonymous).

 

Love y’all and God bless!

<3,

Me